Are you currently stuck in an unhealthy relationship and don’t know why?
You’re definitely not alone. Research shows that 1 in 4 women will experience an unhealthy
or abusive relationship at least once in their lifetime. There are many reasons why women
can find themselves in this situation… but one reason that is not talked about enough is that
it can be an attempt to numb pain.
When past wounds and trauma go unhealed, they can influence the choices you make in
love and relationships.
An effort to numb past pain...
Unresolved emotional pain often leads to a repeat of unhealthy relationship patterns. If
you’ve never worked through your past experiences, you may be unconsciously drawn to
partners who mirror the same behaviors you’re used to, even if they’re unhealthy.
Childhood experiences also play a huge role. Growing up in a home where conflict, neglect,
or abuse was present can distort your view of what a “normal” relationship looks like. Without realizing it, you may either repeat those same patterns or gravitate toward people
who do.
Another factor is trauma bonding. This happens when you connect deeply with someone
because they’ve been through something similar. While it may feel comforting at first, if
neither of you have worked on healing, that relationship can quickly become a cycle of
unresolved pain and unhealthy dynamics.
Settling for an unhealthy relationship to numb unresolved pain can be like placing a band
aid on a gaping wound, and it can lead to even more pain and trauma.
If that is you right now, we want to encourage you that you don’t have to settle for that today. You are worth so much more than settling for anything less than a relationship that is deep, loving, and
committed.
How can i break free from an unhealthy relationship?
It is absolutely possible, but it will require courage, self-reflection, and the right support
system.
Here are some steps that you can start with:
1. Become more self aware
Take time to reflect honestly on your past and how you want to move forward with your life. Journaling can be a helpful tool here or even just talking things through with a trusted friend.
2. change how you see yourself
Trauma can harm your self-worth and the way you view your life. If you don’t believe you deserve better, you’ll always settle for less. Aim to rebuild a healthier self-image rooted in self-worth, value, and dignity.
3. Establish boundaries
Healthy boundaries protect your emotional well-being. Decide what behaviors are acceptable, and give yourself permission to walk away from those that aren’t.
4. Seek support
Surround yourself with trusted friends, mentors, or professionals who can encourage you and keep you accountable on your healing journey. Professional help or counselling can also provide a safe space for healing.
5. Practice healing and self-compassion
Recovery is a journey, not an overnight change. Be patient with yourself and celebrate the small steps. Believe that you are capable of healing and worthy of a truly healthy relationship.
Final Encouragement
If you’ve found yourself trying to numb pain by settling in an unhealthy or toxic relationship,
remember this: your past does not define your future.
Healing from trauma takes time, but it is absolutely possible and it starts by believing that you don’t have to settle for a life of trying to numb past pains. You were made for so much more than that; to experience a life of freedom and purpose which include healthy and loving relationships.
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