S1 E3: Why are relationships so hard?

In our latest episode of the Luli Health Podcast, we sit down with Sienna from Education for a Lifetime, an organization focused on providing healthy relationship education, to talk all about goals and why relationships can be so hard. So why are relationships so hard?

1. Lack of Goals

One significant reason relationships struggle is the absence of goals. Sienna shares how important personal goals and vision are for a successful relationship. You must know what you want in life and who you are in order to be able to be in a healthy relationship. Without a clear vision for the future—whether it’s related to career aspirations, family planning, or personal growth—it will be hard for you to communicate these important parts of life with your partner. When you both have different priorities or lack direction, it becomes difficult to build a strong foundation together. Relationships are not just about personal goals, however, but shared goals are also very important. Setting mutual goals creates a sense of purpose and unity, fostering a deeper connection.

2. Unclear Self-Worth

Understanding and valuing oneself is crucial to any relationship. When you don't recognize your own self-worth, it can lead to feelings of inadequacy, dependency, or resentment. If one partner seeks validation solely from the other, the relationship may become imbalanced. Cultivating self-esteem and self-awareness helps individuals contribute positively to their relationships, ensuring both partners feel valued and secure. 

3. Lack of Intentionality 

Relationships require effort and intention to thrive. When life gets busy, it’s easy to fall into a routine of complacency. This lack of intentionality can lead to misunderstandings, resentment, and emotional distance. Making a conscious effort to prioritize quality time, communicate openly, and show appreciation for one another can help rekindle the connection and strengthen the bond.

4. The Social Media Trap

In today’s digital age, social media often replaces genuine social interaction. While platforms can connect us with others, they can also create unrealistic comparisons and foster feelings of loneliness. Relying on social media for social fulfillment can lead to superficial connections, detracting from the deeper relationships that require time and effort. Taking breaks from social media and focusing on face-to-face interactions can help build more meaningful connections.

5. Overthinking and Insecurity

It’s easy to let our minds spiral into doubt and insecurity, particularly in relationships. Overthinking can lead to misinterpretations of a partner’s actions, creating unnecessary tension and conflict. When we let ourselves get lost in our thoughts, we often project our fears onto the relationship, causing unnecessary strain. Practicing mindfulness and open communication can help ground both partners, reducing anxiety and promoting understanding.

6. Confusing Short-term pleasures with long-term desires

In the quest for connection, it’s common to confuse short-term pleasures—like physical attraction or fleeting moments of excitement—with long-term compatibility. While initial chemistry can be exhilarating, sustainable relationships are built on deeper foundations such as shared values, mutual respect, and emotional intimacy. Taking the time to evaluate what truly matters in a relationship can help individuals avoid the pitfalls of chasing superficial thrills.

In conclusion, relationships can be hard for various reasons, but understanding these challenges can pave the way for healthier connections. By setting goals together, recognizing your self-worth, being intentional, limiting social media distractions, managing overthinking, and focusing on long-term desires, you can create a more fulfilling and resilient relationship. Remember, every relationship requires work, but the rewards of deep connection and companionship are worth the effort.